Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
