Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
