My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
