he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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