garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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