she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
ttyl tear gas
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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