all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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