I just threw up on my dentist
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
