I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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