that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
