Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
