This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
