she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
