you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
