I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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