i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
