He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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