im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
