# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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