he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
