We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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