I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My vagina just clenched in fear
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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