Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
