Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
