Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
