I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
