Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
