her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
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Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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