Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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