Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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