Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
