Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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