she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
