I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
