When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
