It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You can't just leave with hair like that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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