She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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