When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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