If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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