Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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