I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
