moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
