Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
