brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
