I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
