At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
