Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't put those talents on a resume
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
