Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
