Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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