I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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