you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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