On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
