I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
