some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
