You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
