I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
