She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
