Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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