I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
