For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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