i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
