Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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