so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
