How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
