Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
