i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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