the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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