i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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