thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
