well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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