We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
