Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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