New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
