She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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