i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
