The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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