i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
