PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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