He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
