I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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